January 2015

Can you believe January is over?! I sure can't.  But I'm kind of relieved that it is.

This year started out quite stressful and interesting for us. It started with me only part time (my own choice).  Mike's work had some stress related problems with his paychecks and with our health insurance that we barely, Finally got resolved this week.  But we have our heads up and are looking forward and can now relax knowing that all of that is behind us.

This year has been harder for me physically at work and I am SO glad I made the choice to only work part time for a few more months before our baby girl arrives! :) It has been such a blessing to only work part time.  I work at an Orthodontist office and lean over all day and am up and down in my chair all day and we are a very busy office so it's been the best decision I made.

I am also blessed to know all of our family and friends have been such a huge support for me and have already voiced their excitement, helpful words, and help for after the baby's arrival.  I'm not even worried about us after her arrival; we will be well taken care of :)  Thank you everyone!!

It makes me happy and teary-eyed when Mike talks about how BADLY he wants to just meet her and hold her, and loves seeing her kick and feeling her.  He is going to be the best dad!!

Today was the first day I think emotions of the pregnancy finally got to me.  I started off ready to kick off the day until I ate breakfast and sat down.  Then all my body and mind wanted to do was just sit there and do nothing.  I knew that today wasn't going to be as productive as I imagined it would be last night.

But hey that's ok.  I had to just keep telling myself that.  I only have a few days left ALL BY MYSELF and I need to enjoy them.  I texted Mike and that is exactly what he told me, and quite honestly what I needed to hear.  It helped me just relax and enjoy my day off.  I worked out doing some pilates and the baby kicked me after I was done.  I'll take that as in she enjoyed it :)

I've been blessed with no food cravings. And no major hot flashes.  Unless the room is Very hot; like the temple was the other night; holy cow.  We were doing Sealings and the Sealer had to open the door for me to let some cool air in and I had to move near the door, with a napkin folded up to fan me.  Sounds worse than it really was.  But that was the worst, and only second, hot flash I have had while pregnant.

We have also found that if I listen to music close to my belly she starts having fun!  I truly think we might have a dancer :)
We have also learned that spicy food is out of the diet for awhile.  I got sick at work yesterday eating a few spicy chips, so I had to stop.
She also reacts when I eat sweets/sugar.  She is going to be a sweet girl ;) ;)  haha
She is going better at letting me fall asleep.  But she doesn't like it when I lay on my right side; ever! haha.
She has never woken me up at night; except a few trips to the bathroom.  But even then I could probably count them on the same hand.
She doesn't like it when I drive sitting up.  She starts kicking me so I have to slouch like a gangster when I drive half the time.

It will be interesting to compare these notes in a few months after she arrives! :)

We have also learned she doesn't have a name yet...so any ideas would be greatly appreciated! :)

Love, The Dukes

Just one question...

                     
Well since last post I have been thinking a lot about what I said and kind of embarrassed that I published it to the public, and trying to change and redirect my thinking on life.

I have been thinking like a writer; ok I don't really know how they think, but I have been thinking how and what I will say in my next post which I knew I needed to write soon before people got too scared and worried about me.  Like I said it was probably a short lived idea of a day and I'm over those harsh feelings. So tonight I wanted to focus on the good I've had lately and things I'm just so thankful for.

I'm feeling quite accomplished and proud of myself.  I've had a great work week with some amazing co-workers!  They always know just what to say and how to make me laugh and enjoy each day even though it may be a crazy day with patients, parents, work drama etc.   They know how to Always make it fun!!  :)

I'm so thankful for my warm, safe house I live in.

I'm thankful my husband and I have great jobs with great benefits and great co-workers. My husband works really hard to provide.  I can't be more thankful and grateful.

I am SO ETERNALLY GRATEFUL for my amazing, handsome, helpful, thoughtful (should I keep going??), sexy husband!  He wakes up every morning to make sure I get a good hearty breakfast AND makes me a healthy lunch in a small brown bag that he hands me as I walk out the door, with a kiss on the cheek and those three small loving words with a smile on his face :)  I couldn't ask for anything better!! And let me tell you those lunches are DELICIOUS! I just feel so bad I can't return the favor as often.  He is such a good sport about it all and doesn't complain.  I have fallen more in love with him by him doing that :)  Poor guy half the time I don't even make dinner.  He makes two meals a day for me and I can barley make one meal for him!! I hope I can get better at that.

                         
                              My hot husband :)


I also have to be so grateful and thankful my employer is understanding about my needs and wants.  The other day was a rough day for as far as pain and rushed work ethic and I was just feeling beat.  I had to work the next day and it was only going to be two of us working with a full half day of patients. I just didn't want to let him down and put us all behind, so I texted him and explained that it was a rough day for me and that I felt bad and if there was any way he could ask one more person to help us on that half day of work.  And he did.  No questions asked.  He just texted back and said, 'Done'.

I feel pretty good during this pregnancy.  I count my blessing every day about my pregnancy going so well.  I was only sick for a short time and since then it's been making the adjustment to fitting into my clothes and sleeping well.  I've always wondered why people always ask pregnant ladies, 'how are you feeling?' I just think that's kind of a silly question.  But as I'm nearing that stage of uncomfortable, can't sleep stage I understand it better.  But I still don't understand it completely.  Maybe  I'm just blessed.  The only thing I have to complain about is getting to sleep and sleeping well like I used to.  But it really isn't TERRIBLE. Ya it's frustrating I can't fall asleep as fast or as well, but I still can't complain that much.  These past few months have been the hardest on me; and my husband; but it probably won't get any better once she is here.  But really I feel well and am doing well :)  I really just want to meet her and just have her here.  My wonderful husband keeps saying things like; "I can't wait to dress her for church, I just want to meet that feisty girl kicking her mom." Or "Is it weird that I just want to meet her?" He is SO BEYONG excited and it warms my heart and makes me feel calm and at peace knowing he wants to meet her so bad.  I know he is going to be a Marvelous father and enjoy every second of her :) She already has him wrapped around her finger :) I love it!!

Every time I have a funny story about our little girl; how she kicks me while I drive, how much movement she has compared to some days; like right now I swear she doing gymnastics; the crazy dreams I have; like my brother going to jail for no reason and my mom not signing the papers to release him because she didn't know where or how to sign them. Or the hurt my stomach feels, the hunger I feel, the amount of food I eat, the list goes on!  I keep thinking man I need to be documenting all this!!! So my question is; IS IT TOO LATE TO DOCUMENT ALL OF THIS BABY STUFF IN A JOURNAL of some sort??
Maybe I should start one before I get too overwhelmed or drowned in my baby's love and life :)

  

Mike and I just having fun in SLC

We might be addicted to cruises....

Well I felt like I needed to update you all who read that last post and put you at ease knowing I'm doing well and have no more sad feelings.  

I truly am happy and healthy and can't wait to meet our little girl in a few months!! It seems so far away!! I just want to meet her now and hold her.  Im getting anxious.  

Love the Dukes :)

2015...

I hesitate actually posting this because this might just be a very short temporarily thing that doesn't really need to be revealed and announced but I figure it's safe for the blog...

Why don't people hold up their end of a bargain?
I don't know. I don't get it.
I don't have patience for it.
But I don't want to be the nagging friend, wife etc.
How do I get over it? How do I get them to hold up their end of the deal?

Sorry, that is what is on my mind today.  But 2015 started off on the wrong foot...

Today I woke up wanting to have motivation, so I encouraged myself to get to that point.  What came next? It lasted for about 3 hours.  Then things just went down hill.  So I sit here tearing my self apart on the inside and trying to hold back the bucket of tears because I know I'm probably being silly and I don't want my husband to know because I need/want to be strong for him.  I don't know if it's because of how this week has gone spirally down or if it's this pregnancy.

I just know I don't know what to say or what to do to get out of this.

I'm excited for my baby girl and sometimes wish she was just here.  But other times it's nice to always have her with me and know she is safe.

I want to be better at a lot of things and don't know where to start.  Maybe that's my problem.
I want to start projects but am afraid to get too far into them thinking something is going to come up and interrupt me and then it will never get done.  Maybe that's my problem.
I want to be a better house cleaner but it hurts to do certain chores so i just leave it dirty.  Maybe that's my problem.
I want to work out, but why? I haven't done anything all day and I'm still clean from my shower and don't want to shower again.  Maybe that's my problem.  I want to cook a good home cooked meal, but I don't know what to make.  Maybe that's my problem.
I want to be a better business woman selling my Mary Kay but feel like it's just going down the drain and nobody wants/needs anything and I don't know how to pick up business. Maybe that's my problem.
Maybe it's because I feel like I can't do anything or go anywhere Because I Am pregnant.
Maybe I'm too picky and OCD about life and certain things.

I don't know what my problem is but today has been a long, pacing the house wondering what to do, eating everything, feeling depressed kind of day and I just don't know what to do.  And I feel like I'm bringing my husband down as well.  I don't want to do anything.  I don't want to get ready for the day to do anything.  But I want to get out of the house to say I at least got out of my house this weekend and did SOMETHING.

But I have to count my many blessings and know I'm watched over, have a safe warm house with EVERYTHING I could ever possibly need inside [and more], with a good husband :)

I know I'm not perfect and never will be but I try to be my best.  But sometimes the best comes over me and some days you just need to relax and stay inside; I understand that, but I worry it's not just one of those days.

But maybe it's time to go close that closet door that never got closed a few minutes ago (my OCD), and sit and cry it out.  Then start over tomorrow. Because after all it is Sunday; a day or renewal. I should get my motivation back and be ready to conquer this next week and be that better person on the inside and out and be a better business woman with my Mary Kay business!!

Sorry for being so negative.  Thanks for all your support.

www.marykay.com/naesmiles  :)   There's that smile I've been missing all day! :)