The Duke's: April with a newborn...

I hope I can write this well. Don't worry it's just the pregnancy hormones I needed to write out. I love my life! :)

This month has been quite different; duh you think...

Well that's what I have to keep telling myself, it's different and life will never be the same as it was before. Some times/days I think I'm just babysitting and that the parents will be coming to get her soon. The reality just hasn't sunk in yet.

But don't get me wrong I LOVE Hannah and everything about her and never want her to leave!! :) We love her small dainty features and watching her sleep and dream and make those fun funny facial expressions.

I feel inadequate for this 'job'/to be Hannah's mother. I have large shoes to fill from where she came from. It still feels like and I remember it like she entered this world just yesterday. What a joy it has been!!

I feel guilty for ever thinking these thoughts. They say pregnancy emotions are still not gone for a little while after having your baby; and I feel blessed that it only hit me in the hospital; or so I thought. This week has been a hard one. I've held in my tears pretty well until last night. Hannah has been quite fussy these past few days and I just couldn't figure out what was wrong. She's had the same schedule her whole life, haha. Monday she had a dr appt and she hadn't truly slept all day. Same with yesterday. Although we figured maybe we had switched diapers on her. So we went back to the brand we started with. Maybe that helped. But we were also noticing that she felt like she had an upset stomach. Well so of course I called the expert; my mother. She said to use gripe water and see if that helps. We gave her a bath and some gripe water and she slept last night from about 9pm til 2am!! After a large amount of food and cuddling and swaying she went back down til 6 am! Man I love this sleepy girl of mine!!

Well that was the beginning of it all. Last night I was talking to Mike about things we needed to get done this week and things that were going on with finances, and things I wanted to do in the upcoming months before we move and that I was super frustrated with how my Mary Kay business was not going anywhere and that I felt like no one cared or wanted to buy anything from me and how my goals were not getting met; I finally broke down on him. The first thing he did was hug me and not let go and talk to me for about five minutes while we were standing there and never let go. He has been my biggest support through all of this. He has never once given up on me. I seriously couldn't have asked for a better loving husband. He continued to give me the confidence I needed with motherhood, being a wife, and being a good business woman. "Take it one thing at a time and keep doing what your doing because you are succeeding in all that you are working on. You have a lot on your plate right now, especially this month. You are doing great. Don't get down on your self. I love you and Hannah is one lucky girl. Just do the best you can every day and everything will work out. You will become successful in your Mary Kay business and we will be fine; don't worry about finances or school that is my job. I love you and I'm so glad you are the one I'm going through life with." (those are just some of the amazing things he said to me last night while holding me.)
Sorry ladies I have the best husband! :)

Tuesday morning I texted him and said I didn't know if I would make it through the day and that I might not get a shower in on the day because Hannah was so fussy. He said don't worry about it and that he would come home and go to mutual then take over on baby duty so I could a good nights rest and that he would wake up with her during the night. It was what I needed to hear. What an amazing husband! But I told him no he needed sleep more than me. He refused. He did exactly what he said he would do and had to kick me away from the baby haha. I finally got some good rest last night!

Then this morning I was browsing Facebook while feeding and rocking Hannah back to sleep and one of my friends had shared about the exact thing I was thinking and frustrated with; and it's exactly what I needed to read and watch this morning to help me with how I've been the last two days...Look it up and watch it!! :) Simple yet powerful.
http://motherhood.mormon.org

I love being a Mother and I can't wait til Hannah gets a little older so we can play at the park and go for walks and play with each other all day and I can teach her what I know :)

Mike is right; things WILL get better.
* take one things at a time.
* Being a mother is most important
* Mary Kay business with succeed and get better; I did just have a baby. I am a little preoccupied this month.
* keep working hard :)
* I am a good mother
* it's ok if i don't shower til noon or never in the day
* I am doing the best I can and that's all I can do
* things WILL get better

Thanks honey for having so much confidence in me and giving me all the love and support I need and always staying close the spirit and knowing exactly what I need :)

When my mom was here I was telling her that Hannah always smiles while she sleeps and that it's so cute and that we think it's cute and funny :) My mom came back with the best explanation:
She's just talking to her friends up there and telling them how great earth is and how wonderful her parents are and probably telling them I'll see you on 'such and such' day :) That really put everything in perspective for me.
There was also a time when Hannah was awake and she kept staring off in space or looking at something (because there was nothing on the wall in the direction she was looking) and my wise mom said again: she probably see's angels and they are talking to her :)
I'm thankful for my mother always teaching through example and through her own testimony. Ever since those experiences I have looked at life and Hannah a little differently; all in a good way of course! Knowing Hannah is a precious daughter of Heavenly Father and that she truly did just come to me perfect from Him and she is mine that I get the opportunity to take care of for Him and bring back to Him :)

Sorry for the long lengthy wordy post, it's just what I've been thinking about and just needed to write down somewhere.

Life is great and I can't complain. I am truly blessed and wouldn't have my life any other way!!